JOKE of the Day

Guess Who’s been Drinking?

On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.

This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.

Finally he went up to the man and asked, “Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you’re back again. How do you do it?”

“Well,” said the other man, “the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It’s lot of fun. You should try it.”

The guy, who was also quite drunk, thought to himself, “Hey, why not?”

So he goes out to the balcony, jumps off, and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground, stone dead.

The bartender looks over to the other guy and says, “Clark, you can be a complete as*hole when you are drunk”

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JOKE of the day

The Eighteen Bottles

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey

in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I’m not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I’m not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don’t know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.